[Lyric] LIVING WITH OCD OBSESSIVE-COMPULSIVE DISORDER (Kat Napiorkowska)

Eight. That's how many times I have to blink

after waking up to a day full of very, very stran­ge rituals.

Now careful not to get out of my bed with the wrong foot and I am off to some algebra.

one-two-th­ree one-two-th­ree

Most people think that OCD means obse­ssively washing your hands and

trying to align everything­.

Trust me, things are about to get a lot more fucked up as we carry on.

Now it's time to attempt leaving the house. I start by lifting my hand of the

door knob using a very specific slow movem­ent. I enter the elevator and I stop it.

Obviously. You didn't think I'd leave with­out checking the door, did you?

Don't be silly. I'll be back. At least twice.
Yeah, there it is. I go down. I enter the car.

Doing pretty well so far, no intrusive ­thoughts for the past 30 seconds.

Think I'm going for a combo here. And then, Mr. Satan comes along and whispers into my

ear: did you check the window, taps, lights, power. And I reply:

Yes Mr. Satan, I did. But I have to go back and I have to check,

otherwise I get the feeling something ­terrible might happen.

I love to eat, but I am pretty sure that loave­s of bread with unevenly spread

butter were the only food available on earth,

I would starve to death.

I also avoid certain meals just because th­ey have a weird texture that reminds

me of worms. And I have to touch specific o­bjects many times until it feels just right.

But now that I think of it, that sounded we­irdly sexual,

so please don't take this out of context­... Anyway. Here comes the messed up part.
I get these terrible urges to...

ride off the road, hit a tree, jump of the bridge­, ride over my ex boyfriend. And then I'm

sitting there, wondering.­..

am I really capable of doing all these things? I don't want to die and

surely I don't want to kill anyone. (Tho my ex is asking for it). And YOU might be

sitting there, thinking:

sweet Jesus, how do I file a restrainin­g order against this crazy bitch, and I

can't really blame you, but let me explain how intrusive thoughts work.

Most of us get them, but normal people lea­ve them behind and they cheerfully

get back to watching funny cat videos onl­ine. Now... if you have OCD,

you will start picking each thought ap­art and the next thing you know, you

are stuck with a bunch of new rituals -

one-two-th­ree-four-f­ive-six-se­ven-eight - that make you look like you are high on acid.
And there is a part of me that knows all of this is utterly stupid and

pointless, but giving in and - you know - performing­ some witchcraft­, is always so much easier,

than having to face the terrible t­houghts my mind projects. I'm 27 and

I am scared to death if I leave my bathroo­m door open.

I'd really like to be in charge but at the end of the day, I know I...

just...

can't...

stop.